


The First Kiss is Always a Little Awkward

by cfbarnes



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: I only tagged major character death on a technicality, M/M, No one actively dies, Steve's funeral, it just takes place at a funeral
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-30 07:22:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20093473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cfbarnes/pseuds/cfbarnes
Summary: Steve quietly passed away from old age. Bucky never learned how to deal with emotions in a healthy way. Clint knows the right words from hearing them so often (even if he's not so good in practice).





	The First Kiss is Always a Little Awkward

**Author's Note:**

> I was not a fan of everyone's fates in Endgame, but I am borrowing Old Man Steve here. Nat is alive and present.

The wake for Captain America was both a busy and a quiet event. After returning to the 40s and living out his life, Steve passed away in his own home shortly after passing on his shield and title.

Visitors ranged from fighters during the battle with Thanos in plain clothes to elderly friends of Steve's that he had made along the way when he had gone back in time. The visitation and funeral weren't publicized because the active roster of Avengers didn't want to take the hope of Captain America away - wanted to let Sam be seen a few times first - so the wake was attended entirely by personal friends.

>>---> ☆ <---<<

Clint and Natasha had situated themselves towards the front corner of the room at a good vantage point to see everyone as they entered. There wasn't much need for surveillance at a wake half-full of Avengers, but some habits are hard to break. 

"How long should one really hold a wake for a super soldier?"

Natasha gave him a flat look, then raised an eyebrow. 

"What? I'm just saying. Last time he was only dead-ish. How is three days long enough?"

"There is something seriously wrong with you, Clint." She stood, adjusted her dress, "I'm going to go make some rounds."

Clint went back to people-watching. Thor was listening to old men tell war stories, as he tended to do at these gatherings. Tony had made a brief appearance earlier, but seemed to have already left. Bucky was still sitting in a chair in the front row, as he had been for hours, staring at the flowers arranged just below the casket. 

Had been sitting so still that he was starting to fade from Clint's awareness. Or would be if he hadn't taken to tracking the assassin weeks ago. Sure he had had time in Wakanda to adjust to the brainwashing, but had he really had time to adjust post-snap to being back alive, to dissolving during one battle and being snapped back into another? Did he really have time to wrap his mind around what happened before finding out Steve passed away?

Had any of them, really, for that matter?

Lost in his own musings, he saw Bucky get up, but didn't really register it. He knew Bucky was bottling something up - the two of them had ran into each other a few times at the range over the past couple weeks.

At first they barely acknowledged each others presence, and they still rarely talked while they were there. The one time that really worried Clint was when Bucky had been shooting for a while, stopped abruptly, and just stood completely still for almost a half hour, still aiming down range, before dismantling both guns he was using and leaving the range.

"**You** should go." Only years of training stopped him from jumping. Nat had returned and sat back down next to him.

"Go..?"

"Bucky. If he looked angry, I would go. If he looked so buried in grief he was about to do something desperate, I'd send in Sam. This? This looks like he's internalizing everything and is blaming himself." She laid her hand on him forearm and softly added, "Go."

>>---> ☆ <---<<

After asking around a bit he found Bucky in the private bathroom, sitting on the toilet with the lid down, drink in one hand.

He knelt down in front of him to physically insert himself into Bucky's line of site.

"Spill it, Barnes."

Bucky brought a shaking hand up to cover his mouth. Flipped it over and blocked his mouth with the back of his hand and shook his head no.

Clint slowly and gently grabbed Bucky's wrist and lowered his arm. "Don't keep it in. Spill."

"I just.. I don't.. I don't belong here. Sure I knew the guy 80 years ago, but.."

"But what?"

"So?? Doesnt mean I've known him all 80 of those years. And I come back and start attacking him and his friends?

I thought I was okay with him going back and living out his life with Peg, but it hurts. I'm still bitter. And I want to yell and scream and throw down with the punk for leaving me after the hell we went thru to find each other. I thought being best friends with the guy, being the only other centenarian as Nat keeps calling us, counted for something. But it only counted until someone invented time travel. 

I mean, I get it. I hurt people he cared about. Stark.. 

You know, he once said our friendship only seemed to end in disaster? Friends in the 40s, dead and brainwashed. Found each other a few years back, destroyed D.C. and ruined Peggy's SHIELD. Broke up the Avengers. I shot Fury. God - I was going to kill Steve! I knew it would never be the same as it was in the 40s, but -"

He knocked back most of his drink. 

"Hell, I always knew I would bury him. But if _I_ was the reason -"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Shh." He put his hands on Bucky's shoulders to interrupt his tirade.

"Second of all, are you telling me assassins aren't supposed to go to the funerals of people they failed to assassinate? Because I've been to Nat's funeral. Twice."

Bucky snorted and rolled his eyes. "Second?"

"Yes, second, the first is more important. _First_ off, are you really trying to say you don't belong at this funeral?"

Bucky's eyebrow ticked and he nodded slightly. He drank and refused to make eye contact.

Clint cupped his cheek and pulled his attention back to him. 

"Today isn't about Captain America - we'd have to make it an international event. It's about Steve. Your childhood best friend. The kid you took care of when he was sick or injured. Practically your brother. You helped him grow up to be the fundamentally _good_ person he was that allowed him to become Captain America. You definitely deserve to be here; you knew Steve before he was a super soldier." He wiped away the tear that was starting to make its way down Bucky's cheek. "You know exactly how much of his recklessness came naturally, and how much developed once he had super healing."

Bucky laughed a little, "all of it," and wiped the other eye. 

Clint smiled at that, and Bucky smiled back still looking a little nostalgic.

"You know why he went full-tilt when he saw someone as a bully. And why his preferred action was a solid punch to the face."

"You know he knocked out ol' Adolph 200 times?" He laughed a little at the memory of the Commandos telling him about meeting Steve. 

"There we go. The good memories." He smiled and met Bucky's eyes. "Try to stay in those, and let me know when the anger starts creeping back up.

.. Bucky?"

He didn't have time to place the emotion he saw on his face before Bucky surged forward and kissed him.

Shocked, Clint kissed back gently, but then used his hand that had fallen to Bucky's shoulder to guide him back. 

"That was.." he saw Bucky start panicking. He stood up and paced to the other side of the room, head hanging low, leaving Clint kneeling on the floor. He sighed and stood up, looking back at the door, then at Bucky again.

_If he was just trying to shock me into dropping the subject, he could have just walked out. Doesn't look like he's trying to start a fight.. _

"I wasn't expecting our first kiss to be sitting on a toilet, at a funeral, but that tracks."

Bucky slowly lifted his eyes to meet Clint's. Clint gave him a reassuring smile before pulling Bucky into a hug. 

"Emotions are high, things get confusing, but that isn't what you need right now. I'm here. I'll still be here afterwards. Just grieve, ok, I've got you."

He felt the tension leave Bucky's shoulders. When he started to cry, Clint hugged him just a little bit tighter. They stayed that way until his sobs tapered off.

He waited while Bucky splashed water on his face to finish calming down, and the two of them exited the bathroom together like they hadn't just been locked in a private bathroom for 40 minutes together.


End file.
